My reactions can be different!

Today's Scripture: Matthew 6:19-21

Thought for the Day: "Refusing to come unglued is the only way to prove to ourselves it is possible to have a different kind of reaction."

So again...we're back to choices. Choosing how to react in the face of things/people that frustrate us, anger us, make us feel less worthy. While many of these negative feelings are easy go-to feelings that we all have...and are normal to have...we have the opportunity to change our perspective on how we handle them. 

I have to catch myself when I start to wallow in the negative reactions which can send my life into  crazy, ugly chaos. I have to stop myself from believing the worst in myself. I have to pray and turn to God and remind myself that He made me in His image. God doesn't make garbage...I turn myself into it by not listening to Him. 

So I have to be more aware of my reactions...think about them and find the positive side to whatever the negative is. Change my perspective...change my reaction. Refuse to become unglued. 

Easier said than done...but I'm definitely making progress.

2 for 1 deal!

Okey dokey...yesterday I was feeling like garbage so I didn't read my devotional or blog. So today you get a 2 for 1 deal!! LOL!

Today's Scripture: 2 Corinthians 7:10

Thought for the day: "Jesus didn't die so we'd be sorry. He died and then was resurrected so we'd be changed." - Steven Furtick

Wow, that's a pretty powerful statement when you think about it. I read it in The New Living Translation version and this is what it says:

¹⁰ For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.

I'm having a hard time putting in to words what I'm feeling about this one. It's hard to admit that God wants us to feel sorrow. But it's comforting to know that it's not sorrow for sorrow's sake. That there is a reason behind it. It's because he wants us not to sin and to be closer to Him. To work on that love relationship with Him. 

I can relate this to my life. When I correct my son on something he's done wrong he always says sorry. But when it's the third or fourth time he's done the same thing wrong....and says sorry...it means nothing. I keep trying to explain to him that just saying sorry doesn't make it right. It's just a word. There's no meaning behind it if you keep choosing to do it over and over. 

Being repentant means you want to change that behavior. That you don't ever want to do it again. That it pains you to know you've wronged someone that badly. Without that repentance of my sins, there is no way I can get closer to God.


Today's Scripture: Psalm 94:18-19

Thought for the day: "The only thing that stops the desperation  the uncertainties, the twirling, is for the Spirit of God to cover my heart and make it still."

While reading this one...I totally am thinking of a conversation that I had with my friend at church today. We are doing a small group called "Experiencing God" and during this group she very bravely spoke up and said that with the way she grew up, she doesn't feel like she could possibly be a good mom. As a mom myself, I totally get that! There have been tons of times that I have felt like I am a horrible mother. I just blogged about one instance earlier this week. 

I've had others tell me that I'm a good mom. Or that I'm pretty. Or that I have a great heart. Or that I'm good at this or that. Or give me any kind of compliment. And while it's nice to hear...and sometimes very needed to hear...sometimes it's not enough. Sometimes I am still filled with sooo much doubt and feel in desperate need of reassurance that it's frustrating. 

I read this scripture in The Message version of the Bible...and it made it really hit home to me.

18 The minute I said, “I’m slipping, I’m falling,”
    your love, God, took hold and held me fast.
When I was upset and beside myself,
    you calmed me down and cheered me up.

Give your fears, your anxieties, your worries, your problems, your concerns, your frustrations and your doubt to God. Let go of them. Step back and watch and feel His love for you. Watch Him take those negative things in your life and turn them into a positive. He can do that!!! And isn't that just the most amazing news?!

I'm going to focus on this scripture too. And will probably post it at work as well. (People are gonna get sick of seeing all this scripture around my desk!) I'm going to hold fast to God's love for me. Are you?

Same stuff, different day...

Today's Scripture: Proverbs 12:16

Thought for the day: "I have to make the choice very day to interrupt my fleshly tendencies of yelling and getting angry over minor things."

So, I've noticed a pattern with this devotional. It all seems to be about making the right choices. Choosing to ask God to help with the self-control and the anger and the frustration and the daily irritations and the annoyances of every day. 

While that all sounds great, it's getting a little repetitive. 

And it sounds easy to do, right? Just take a step back, don't react in the moment, think about it and make the right decision. Sounds easy peasy. But it's not. It's a continual struggle every day.  Maybe that's why this devotional is repetitive. Trying  to push that point home. 

So, I guess I'll continue to pray. I've been trying to pray every day. They've been short but I'm praying. 

Life happens...

Ok, so I'm not going to give any excuses. I haven't read my devotional in quite a while. But I'm starting again...picking up where I left off. Sorry. Just going to say that life happens. 

Today's scripture: 1 Peter 4:7

Thought for the day: "Feelings are indicators, not dictators."

The author talked about how when you get irritated, that your feeling just snowball. Things continually happen until you are so angry that you feel like you're going to explode. Oh my goodness have I been there! One thing happens, then another and another then I'm ready to explode at anyone who says anything to me. And unfortunately, it's generally my hubby or my son that get the brunt of it. I have exploded on them more than I care to admit. 

Again, it comes down to a choice to not do that. But it's so much easier said than done, isn't it? 

The scripture says:

7 Therefore, be earnest and disciplined in your prayers. 8 Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

Basically what I got out of this was that when I start to feel angry or about to lose control, I need to just stop what I'm doing and pray. Stop and pray. Stop and pray. Sounds pretty simple, huh. 

I can do this. It helped once before when I was having issues with other things. So I know I can do this. 

Stop and pray. 

Think these things...

Scripture: Philippians 4:8

Thought for the day: " Sip the shame so you won't have to guzzle gallons of unwanted regret."

The devotional talked about when people put a whole heap of hurt on you. The author talked about her daughter's birthday party and how they didn't invite this one girl. The mother of the girl emailed the author and told her she should be ashamed of herself for not inviting the girl. Laying guilt, shame and hurt all over the author. 

I've had incidents like that happen to me. I don't like that feeling when people dump all over me and try to make me feel bad. When that happens...my natural and normal reaction is to blow up and retaliate. But...tying into my previous post...I need to make the choice to NOT do that. 

I've noticed that these devotionals over the past few days are all along the same line. They flow together rather nicely and just add a little more every day. Because of that, I kinda feel like I'm repeating myself. So bear with me if I do. 

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble  whatever is right,whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.

Long story short....look for the positive. Look for the good. Stop focusing on the negative. Because your feelings follow your focus. 

'Nuf said. 

Peacemakingly honest

Scripture: James 3:17

Thought for the day: "If I catch myself pretending or proving, I know I'm processing my hurt the wrong way."

Seriously??? Really??? I was just talking today to a couple of my friends/co-workers that I am really trying to be more respectful to those people I don't get along with. I'm trying to not be so quick to say bad things about them, ridicule them or belittle them. Then I read today's scripture. I first read it in the New Living Translation. Then I decided, well let me read it in The Message version...

17-18 Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.

You...You....You're good You. 

I know I really shouldn't be shocked that He's showing me these things. That He's helping me see and confirm my path. I mean, it's what I've been asking Him to do. But wow!!!

Ok...so I just got that confirmation that I'm headed in the right direction. So here's my thoughts. Tomorrow I am going to try to look for the good in everyone who comes across my path. I'm going to try not fly off the handle if someone makes me angry and I'm going to try to be peacemakingly honest. 

Hmmmm...what does peacemakingly honest mean, you ask? As I was reading my devotional, the author stated that not all expressions of emotions are real honesty. It could just be emotional spewing. I kinda liked that phrase. These emotions could be jaded by only knowing one side of the situation. Just because I'm being honest with how I'm feeling, doesn't mean I'm not exaggerating or making the situation seem worse than it is.

It also stated that being a peacemaker without honesty is basically saying everything is fine when it really isn't. Stuffing all those feelings, not talking about them until one day....KABOOM! You explode all over anyone who is in the same proximity as you. And we all know that I never do that. Ok..I couldn't even type that with a straight face. :)

So, I've been writing this blog for about a week and a half. I know this is my journey, but I certainly would love some feedback from anyone who is reading this. Am I alone in feeling this way? Am I the only one out there going through this stuff? Maybe. But I can't help but think I'm not. Let's talk. 

Feelings....whoa, whoa, whoa...feelings...

Scripture: Romans 2:2

Thought for the day: "How we react is a crucial gauge of what's really going on inside us."

I read Romans 1-16 in The Message version of the Bible. And then read the devotional. And, um...yeah. Way to just call me out some stuff. Appreciate it. Ok...that's a little sarcastic, but it was what I needed to hear. 

The devotional talked about how the turmoils and stress in your life affects how you react to things. And it's totally true. When I've had a crappy day at work, or when I'm really stressed out, the littlest things can set me off. As I've mentioned before...self-control is an area that is lacking in my life. In reading this, it gave me a reminder that it's a continual battle that I have to fight. 

Every time I read about self-control and anger and stress, etc. I think of a friend of mine that I haven't talked with in a while. He had this saying..."Your feelings follow your focus." Basically if I focus on the things that are negative, stressful, belittling ...then that's where my feelings will go and I will be one cranky Kathy. And trust me...nobody wants a cranky Kathy. Which means I need to try to find the best of every situation and realize that I may never understand why it happened, but know it happened for a reason of God's understanding and will. And trust in Him that He knows what's best.

So much easier said than done. Just sayin'. 

I really liked how the reading reinforced some of the things we talked about in small group today too. The more I get involved in this, the more I am seeing how things are woven together. It's like one big tapestry. Pretty cool

Today's blog is kinda short. Reason being...it's Superbowl Sunday and we have some peeps coming over to have some fun. Safe travels to those that are heading out to parties.

I'll be back to my rambling self tomorrow!

I'm a slacker!

Ok...so I'm a slacker. I totally didn't do my devotional yesterday. So today, I will be doing both in this one post. 

Day 4:
Scripture: Psalm 139:13-14
Thought for the day: "Sometimes I feel guiltier for what I'm not than thankful for what I am."

Ohhh myyy. Yes!!! Again I say Yess!!! I need to hear this. And I need to repeat this over and over to myself. God loves me. God thinks I'm perfect the way I am...even with my flaws.

My self-esteem sucks. I put on a brave front and, for the most part, I think I hide it rather well. Those of you that really know me, know better. And from some of you...I can't hide anything. There are so many things that I hate about myself, if I started listing them, we'd be here all night. Some I can change, and some I can't. The ones I can change, I know I should. But it goes back to that thing we talked about about a couple days ago...it's overwhelming. And avoiding it has worked so far, right. Yeah, ok. I know. 

Trying to find the good things in myself is really hard for me. But there are things that I'm thankful for about myself. And I guess I should start reminding myself about this on a daily basis. Of course this is hard for me...because it's sooooo much easier to see the negative. But, I'm going to force myself to list a couple. (If you disagree...please don't tell me...lol!)

I am thankful that....

Wow...this is harder than I thought. I have literally been sitting her thinking and I'm drawing a blank.

Ok...I'm thankful that when I finally am able to get close to someone, I will do anything I can to help them. I want to make their life easier in their hard times, happier in their sad times and laugh during their angry times. 

I am also thankful that I am fiercely loyal to those I love. I may not communicate as often as I should to some of them. And that's something I am going to work on as well. 

Ok..that's enough. Can you say awk-ward?! I really didn't like doing that...just sayin'.

Moving on...

Day 5:
Scripture: Proverbs 25:28
Thought for the Day: "The answer to keeping God's power with me and working in me to produce self-control is letting His Word get inside me."

I read a few different versions of this scripture, and this is the one that spoke to me the most. It's from the message:


28 A person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out.

A house isn't going to do you a lot of good without any doors or window. Such is life with no self control. This is a HUGE issue for me, but I have been working on this and trying to get better. I do believe that I have been slipping in this area, and I'm not sure why. 

Self-control has always been hard for me. Hence the so many things I could change in my life but haven't. I have to remind myself everyday that I have a choice on how to react to situations in my life. I have the choice to get angry and have a knock down drag out with those I love, or I can choose to step away so that I don't make the situation worse. Like I said...I believe that over the past few years I have gotten better. But I'm still working on it!!

It's funny, as I'm reading this devotional, I'm really noticing how the topics really hit home with me. Well, maybe it's not funny. Maybe it's a God thing. 

Yeah...it's a God thing. :)

Shut up and listen!

Today's scripture: Proverbs 3:5-6

Thought for the day: "God is big enough to handle our honest feelings."

Ok...so today...was pretty much a crappy day. Well, not the whole day....just until about lunchtime. I go to start my car this morning...and my doors are frozen shut. Wouldn't open for nothin'. Both my son and I beat on them and tried about anything to get them open. Nope. Didn't happen. I had to call my work to have someone come get us and take us to school and work.

Then it was crazy busy at work. And I just felt so rushed and busy that I kept messing things up. I was getting so frustrated at myself!!!!  

Then I had lunch with one of my besties. Not only does she always make me laugh, which we did uncontrollably, but she always has some good, logical advice for me. Now..don't get me wrong...I don't always want to hear it. But she tells me to shut up and listen anyway. Sometimes I need to hear that.

I know that I can go to my besties and tell them anything. But I often forget that I can do that with God as well. He's always there. He always loves me, no matter what I do...or don't do. He wants to listen to me...whether I'm having a good day or a bad day. He wants to hear about my successes and my failures. He wants me to be honest with Him. No matter what my feelings are at the time.

Those who know me, can attest to this. I'm a fixer. If there is a problem with one of my friends, my hubby, my kids....I want to fix it. I want to make it all better. I do that with my problems too. I constantly try to find a solution. I have a really hard time letting things go and letting things work out the way that God wants them too. And when I pray...I pray for God to fix the problem the way I want Him to fix it. It's hard for me to grasp the concept that God already knows what is going to happen and that I just need to trust in Him and follow His path.

Which all sounds easy to do. But another part of my problem is that I have a hard time hearing God. I struggle with recognizing what is His will and what is my own. I'm hoping to learn this as I attend my small group. 

I loved the scripture today.


5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take.


So...that's what I'm going to try and do. Trust God and let him show me what His will is for me. 

I think I can, I think I can....


⁵ 

In the beginning...

For a while now, I've been struggling with my journey in Christ. I believe in God, have faith in what He can do, wholeheartedly believe in the power of prayer and can see Him moving in other people's lives. Shoot...I can even see Him moving in my life. However, I know that I am not as close to Him as I would like to be. I've tried reading the Bible...I've tried reading devotionals...but I just never seem to follow through. I get confused, frustrated and honestly...just flat out bored. I start out like a champ...but within 2 weeks...I'm over it. 

I've decided that it's time to change that. I'm going to use this blog as a way to hold myself accountable. If you're reading this, I encourage you to hold me accountable as well. 

I've decided to attend a small group that has started at my church (Ravenna Church of the Nazarene - if you don't have church home or are looking for a new one...come see us! Shameless plug, I know!) called Experiencing God. I'm really looking forward to this series because it's supposed to teach me different ways to get closer to God. 

I'm also starting a devotional. My pastor and his wife gave me a book to use. It's titled "Unglued Devotional: 60 Days of Imperfect Progress" by Lysa Terkeurst. http://lysaterkeurst.com/unglued/

So basically here is the purpose of this blog: To read a devotion every day, the scripture that goes along with it and then write what I got out of it in here. So yep...post something everyday. I've even going to make sure that I put a link on my Facebook page. I plan on being completely honest and even blunt. Feel free to comment as I welcome any comments that will help me grow and learn. 

Well...here we go! 

Day 1: Scripture - Isaiah 41:13 (I actually read the whole chapter...it's hard to get the context by just one verse.)

Today, the author talks about becoming unglued. Being on an emotional roller coaster where she is nice and happy one day...then completely swinging in the other direction and being frustrated, angry and out of control the next day.

Hmmm...sure sounds like she's talking about me! I can totally relate to this. (I'm sure my hubby and kids would agree!) While I think I've gotten better over the past couple years, I can feel myself slipping again. Stress from work, outside organizations I'm involved in, and the general busyness of life has really started to take it's toll on me and I do feel like I'm losing that self control a little more each day. 

It's not fair to my family, my co-workers, my friends...or for that matter...me. 

So...what I got from the scripture was that God is with me all the time. He is there to make a way for me, to support me, to take care of me and to protect me. I  just need to not doubt Him. As my friend April says...God's not up there wringing his hands with worry. He knows exactly what's going on and I need to trust in Him and stop trying to control everything in my life. Honestly, when I try to get control everything...that's when I feel even more out of control. 

Here's my prayer for today:

Heavenly Father, please help me see the areas in which you are working in my life. Help me develop a passion for reading your Word and a desire to learn more about You. I love You and thank You for all that You have given me. Amen.

So there's day 1. Hmm...it wasn't that hard. Let's try this again tomorrow. Same bat-time, same bat-station. :)