I'm a slacker!

Ok...so I'm a slacker. I totally didn't do my devotional yesterday. So today, I will be doing both in this one post. 

Day 4:
Scripture: Psalm 139:13-14
Thought for the day: "Sometimes I feel guiltier for what I'm not than thankful for what I am."

Ohhh myyy. Yes!!! Again I say Yess!!! I need to hear this. And I need to repeat this over and over to myself. God loves me. God thinks I'm perfect the way I am...even with my flaws.

My self-esteem sucks. I put on a brave front and, for the most part, I think I hide it rather well. Those of you that really know me, know better. And from some of you...I can't hide anything. There are so many things that I hate about myself, if I started listing them, we'd be here all night. Some I can change, and some I can't. The ones I can change, I know I should. But it goes back to that thing we talked about about a couple days ago...it's overwhelming. And avoiding it has worked so far, right. Yeah, ok. I know. 

Trying to find the good things in myself is really hard for me. But there are things that I'm thankful for about myself. And I guess I should start reminding myself about this on a daily basis. Of course this is hard for me...because it's sooooo much easier to see the negative. But, I'm going to force myself to list a couple. (If you disagree...please don't tell me...lol!)

I am thankful that....

Wow...this is harder than I thought. I have literally been sitting her thinking and I'm drawing a blank.

Ok...I'm thankful that when I finally am able to get close to someone, I will do anything I can to help them. I want to make their life easier in their hard times, happier in their sad times and laugh during their angry times. 

I am also thankful that I am fiercely loyal to those I love. I may not communicate as often as I should to some of them. And that's something I am going to work on as well. 

Ok..that's enough. Can you say awk-ward?! I really didn't like doing that...just sayin'.

Moving on...

Day 5:
Scripture: Proverbs 25:28
Thought for the Day: "The answer to keeping God's power with me and working in me to produce self-control is letting His Word get inside me."

I read a few different versions of this scripture, and this is the one that spoke to me the most. It's from the message:


28 A person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out.

A house isn't going to do you a lot of good without any doors or window. Such is life with no self control. This is a HUGE issue for me, but I have been working on this and trying to get better. I do believe that I have been slipping in this area, and I'm not sure why. 

Self-control has always been hard for me. Hence the so many things I could change in my life but haven't. I have to remind myself everyday that I have a choice on how to react to situations in my life. I have the choice to get angry and have a knock down drag out with those I love, or I can choose to step away so that I don't make the situation worse. Like I said...I believe that over the past few years I have gotten better. But I'm still working on it!!

It's funny, as I'm reading this devotional, I'm really noticing how the topics really hit home with me. Well, maybe it's not funny. Maybe it's a God thing. 

Yeah...it's a God thing. :)